


Everything Stays

by HattoriPornzo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adopted Cousins, Age Difference, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Cannabis, Canonical Character Death, Childhood, Coming of Age, Cousin Incest, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Family Feels, Forbidden Love, Growing Up Together, Mental Health Issues, No Underage Sex, Nothing Can Stop True Love, Pseudo-Incest, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Thanksgiving, These are pure babies with lots of feelings, This shit is soft and innocent for the first few chapters okay, Young Ben Solo, Young Rey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-05-08 04:27:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14686458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HattoriPornzo/pseuds/HattoriPornzo
Summary: It was May of 1996. A cool, early summer breeze sent the tall grasses swaying as Rey watched the world go by from her car seat in the back of Luke’s old station wagon. Everything she had in the whole world was in a suitcase in the trunk.Rey's been adopted by Luke. She has a home, a father, and all the wide open spaces Oregon can give her.Her new cousin Ben has two parents. They love him but sometimes love alone isn't enough. He's suffocated by his life in California.No matter how old they are, or how far apart, whenever they reunite, it's always obvious that they're two lonely people desperately reaching for one another.





	1. Suddenly

It was May of 1996. A cool, early summer breeze sent the tall grasses swaying as Rey watched the world go by from her car seat in the back of Luke’s old station wagon. Everything she had in the whole world was in a suitcase in the trunk. She was quiet, especially so for a four year old. In truth, she didn’t know how to feel. 

One day, her parents had told her they would be right back and left her outside a church. She never saw them again. Now, she had been adopted, a word which she guessed meant she had a new dad. He was nice. He spoke to her in soft tones and tried to hold her hand but she would always shy away. He’d taken her out for lunch and ice cream with the lady from the foster home and shown her toys and clothes he’d bought for her the day before. He explained that she wouldn’t have a mommy but that he would take care of her and never leave her. She was scared he would anyway. 

They drove down a long road flanked by enormous trees before pulling up to the house. Rey’s bright hazel eyes widened. To her, it looked magical. There was a garden in the front with wind chimes and big, flowering bushes. The yard was huge. She could see other houses down the road but they were far apart.

Luke came around to her door and helped her out of the car seat before getting her bag from the trunk. He showed her into the house and they were immediately greeted by two cats, one yellow and one white with grey spots.

“Rey, this is Threepio and Artoo,” he said. She remembered him showing her photos of his cats the first time they’d met and she’d been beyond excited at the idea of having pets. She bent on tiny legs to hold out her hand and the two cats sniffed her cautiously before rubbing against her.

“Come on,” he chuckled, “Let’s see your room.” He led her upstairs and opened a door, setting down her bag inside. The room was bright and airy and the walls had been painted light pink. There were stuffed animals and books on a shelf. Against the wall, there was a big, white iron frame bed without any sheets or blankets.

“I thought later on we could go pick out some things for your room together. Whadaya say, champ?” he smiled down at her.

She nodded silently. That day, he took her to Target and let her get anything she wanted for her room. She quickly became overwhelmed and so he took her to the snack counter and bought her a slushie and popcorn and they sat and talked about what kind of things she wanted until she calmed down. He helped her pick out bedding and a night light and bought her a movie for later.

She wasn’t a picky eater, which was good because his cooking skills needed a lot of work. He made them spaghetti for dinner and they watched Beauty and The Beast. At bedtime, she fought him over taking a bath and brushing her teeth but two hours later, she was in bed, clean and exhausted. He read her a story, kissed her forehead, and told her he loved her. The Cookie Monster nightlight they’d bought that day bathed the room in cool blue light. He left the door open and a baby monitor on her nightstand. He called it their “communicators” so he could hear if she needed anything. He assured her he would be right down the hall and she mumbled good night to him.

For the next two weeks, Luke focused on establishing routines, which all the parenting books and adoption pamphlets he skimmed over said was important. And they definitely had their routine down pat. He would make a passable meal which she would devour like she was afraid he’d take it away. Then they had a kicking and screaming fight over bath time. Once he finally coaxed her into the bath, she would refuse to get out. Then when that fight was done, he’d read to her, kiss her forehead, say good night and that he loved her, and she would mumble “good night” back. 

He started to find hidden food in her sock drawer and under her bed. He never scolded her for it, just kept the pantry open and reassured her she could have anything she wanted. The house was quieter than any she’d ever lived in and she spent long days playing outside with Luke and watching cartoons. She loved the greens of the grass and the trees that were so different from the dark grey colors of the city. She loved her room with all the things she had picked out and the cats and the pool and tire swing in the massive backyard. By the end of the second week, she stopped hiding food and started saying “I love you, too,” when he said good night. 

___

It was a cool California morning and Ben Solo was in the back of his parent’s car, agitated by their petty arguing. He tried to drown out their voices with his CD player and the help of R.E.M. Another kid might have been happy just to be on summer vacation but he’d take school over a long road trip with his parents any day. They passed a sign that said “Now leaving Sacramento”.

He was thirteen and perpetually angry. He’d had a hard time making friends all his life. He had one, maybe- Poe. Half the time, they didn’t even get along. They just lived next door to each other so they became friends by the default rules of childhood. They had just finished seventh grade and where Poe was starting to get attention from the girls at their school, he was all awkward angles and messy black hair. His school councilor called him “socially stunted” during a meeting with his parents. 

Now he was stuck in a car on the way to Oregon to stay in some cabin near his uncle’s place. His dad insisted the fresh air would do him some good and his mom added under her breath that he wouldn’t be able to get into any trouble, either. 

“And the girl’s name is Ray?” he heard his dad ask as he changed his CD.

“With an ‘e’,” his mother replied.

“R-a-e?”

“R-e-y.”

Ben closed the CD player and Nirvana played loudly over his headphones. His uncle had adopted a kid. Which seemed weird to him because Luke wasn’t married and didn’t seem like the family type. But then again, Luke was weird. He and his parents had been political activists in the 70’s and he reminded Ben of the hippies he’d seen in movies and cartoons. He had started publishing books about philosophy and martial arts around the time Ben was born, in stark contrast to his mother’s choice of career in politics.

For the next nine hours, Ben would shuffle through his music collection or on the rare occasion that his parents were quiet, he’d try to nap. When they arrived, it was the middle of the afternoon and the sun shone brightly overhead. Luke’s house looked just the way he’d remembered it. The last time they came here he was maybe ten and every bit as quiet and uncomfortable. Now he had the added joy of puberty to deal with- although, his mom called him a “late bloomer”. He grimaced as he stepped from the car.

Luke greeted them from the porch as he trailed behind Han and Leia with a resigned sigh. They walked through the front gate up the stone path, past bird baths and garden statues. Luke stepped down to throw his arms around Leia, giving her a bear hug before pulling Han into one as well and slapping him in that affectionate, manly way on the arm.

Leia shot Ben a look and he pressed his lips together unhappily before giving is uncle a one armed, sad excuse for a hug. He hated being made to touch people. It wasn’t that he was hug averse, he just preferred it to be on his own terms. From over Luke’s shoulder, he noticed a small girl with hair pulled back in a strange three-bun style staring up at them, clutching a Barbie doll dressed like an astronaut. 

“Everyone, this is Rey,” Luke announced, taking the girl by the hand and kneeling down to her level. Ben watched her pull her hand away and crinkle her brow, squinting up at his parents. “Rey, this is your Aunt Leia and Uncle Han, and over there is your Cousin Ben,” he told her, pointing to each of them. “Can you say hi?”

“Hi,” she said just loud enough to hear, turning her gaze to the wooden steps of the porch.

“I’m so happy to meet you, sweetie,” Leia smiled, bending down to embrace the girl. Rey smiled back shyly, pleased at the contact and the endearment. Han bent down as well and held out his hand for her to shake. She placed her tiny hand in his massive one and he shook it up and down firmly.

“Ooh, strong grip,” he said with a wink. Her smile increased, instantly charmed by him. Finally, her eyes wandered to Ben. With Han and Leia, she had been reserved at first but he intrigued her instantly and she took the initiative to walk up to him.

“Hi,” she squeaked, studying the older child. Ben blinked back, startled somehow by this tiny girl who strode up to him. He was suddenly nervous. He didn’t get along with kids his own age and he really didn’t have any experience with younger children.

“Hi,” he murmured back, shuffling awkwardly. She stared up at him, unblinking, eyes screwed up in the sunlight. Her unwavering, open curiosity only increased his nerves. Which was ridiculous because she was such a small thing and there was no reason for him to be this freaked out over talking to a child. But her unabashed appraisal of him was so honest; totally different from the way he was used to being looked at. He was trapped by her gaze. 

“The cabin’s just out yonder past the house,” he heard Luke tell his parents. His voice sounded far away as he remained hypnotized by wide, searching hazel eyes. The adults made plans to meet up for dinner after the Solos got settled and Ben was only able to tear his eyes away from the tiny girl when he heard his mom calling him back to the car. He followed her on uneasy feet and when he looked over his shoulder, he saw that Rey was still watching him with her head quirked to the side a little.

The cabin was on the property behind Luke’s own home. The area was mostly occupied by retired couples and families renting houses on vacation. There was a small lake nearby that attracted summer tourists. On the short drive to the cabin, he’d already seen a couple families with kids unloading fishing gear and suitcases outside the bungalows and cabins that dotted the streets. The last time they’d visited his uncle’s, they’d stayed with him in his house. This time, they were renting a cabin because of Rey, he’d guessed. 

He carried his backpack and duffle bag up the creaky cabin steps. There was a wraparound porch and some rocking chairs that looked like they might break if anyone bigger than him tried to sit in them. His dad opened the door and he was hit with the dusty smell of old, sun warmed wood. It was dark inside but light shone through the windows, making dust motes glisten as they danced through the air. Han flicked the light switch and the harsh overhead light buzzed to life with a stutter. 

“Well, it’s not much, but it’ll do for a couple of weeks,” his mother hummed, suitcase rolling behind her as she strolled inside, pushing her Gloria Vanderbilt sunglasses into her hair. Han seemed to take to the cabin right away, quickly inspecting everything and remarking upon the various types of woods used. Ben looked around the space a moment before wandering down the hall and finding a room with a bunk bed, obviously meant for him. There wasn’t really anything else in the room except a night stand with a lamp on it and a dresser. He dropped his stuff on the floor and flopped onto the lower bed. It was quiet. He liked it.

They had dinner at Luke’s, on the patio by the pool since it was nice out. Luke was planning on grilling but Han kind of took over at some point. He just shrugged and sat by Leia, taking the opportunity to catch up with her. Rey was seated next to Ben with her knees drawn up to her chest. Every once in awhile, he would catch her looking at him with an odd expression. Like she was trying to figure this big kid out. 

His ears poked out from under his mop of black hair. The rest of him hadn’t quite grown into them the way his mother had assured him they would. They were currently tinged pink. 

What was with this kid? He hoped she wasn’t scared of him but this didn’t seem like fear. More like quiet fascination. She didn’t squirm about like most kids that age seemed to, which he rather liked.

“So, Rey, are you excited to start kindergarten?” his mother asked, smiling at the small girl. She shrugged, scrunching up her nose. 

“Yeah,” she mumbled, still unsure how she should interact with these new people, nice as they seemed. Han set the burgers down on the table triumphantly. They were huge and dressed all the way. Ben ate his slowly, hardly touching his potato chips. Occasionally, Luke would ask him something and he would stumble through an answer, wishing he could just be left alone. Although, he was a little disappointed when he noticed Rey had stopped paying attention to him. 

She was intensely focused on her meal. He remembered when he was that age, he’d had his mom cut his food into bite sized pieces for him. Rey held the whole burger in her tiny hands. Leia offered to cut it for her but Luke held up his hand and shook his head, which Rey seemed grateful for. She ate the entire burger and every last one of her chips, even though it took her forever to finish her meal. The adults just talked while she ate, Luke sometimes patting her knee to remind her it was okay to slow down.

“Do you like Disney movies?” she asked him cautiously when she was done with her food. Their parents seemed to not notice, caught up in their own conversation. He floundered a little in his seat, startled by her sudden question.

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” he mumbled, rubbing his neck.

“I have a bunch,” she told him, chin sticking out in a little display of pride. He just tightened his lips and nodded, not knowing what to say to that.

“You kids wanna go inside and watch a movie? I got a brand new VHS player,” Luke said to Ben, finally seeming to notice the exchange. Ben looked at his mother. She would definitely make him watch a Disney movie with his little cousin if he didn’t agree willingly and it wasn’t a battle he wanted to fight after a nine hour long car ride. Fighting his mom never went the way he’d expected it to. She gave him a somewhat pointed look, as if gearing up to do just what he’d expected and he quickly agreed before she could say anything.

That was how he found himself on his uncle’s couch with Rey watching The Lion King. She wanted him to pick the movie. He picked the one without princesses. At least the part with the wildebeest stampede was cool. It would wound his new found teenage sensibilities to admit it, but he loved the movie when it came out and it was still easily his favorite Disney film. 

Rey didn’t talk or ask a million questions during the movie, which kind of surprised him. It seemed like something a four year old would do. But thankfully, they’d fallen into a comfortable silence, watching the cartoon in the dark of the room while their parents laughed and chatted on the patio. Rey had made herself a kind of nest out of blankets and pillows on the couch beside him. When she offered him one, he took a pillow, tucking it behind his head and letting himself relax into the couch. 

When the end of the movie was drawing near, he could tell she was dozing off, kind of falling against him. It was weird seeing someone so comfortable around him, like she trusted him implicitly. Sometimes, he felt like he made even his parents uncomfortable. He was too quiet, too moody. Affection didn’t come easy to him. He’d always wanted siblings, though, and he wondered if this is what it felt like to have them.

Simba returned to Pride Rock, taking his rightful place as king with Nala and his friends at his side. Rafiki lifted his cub into the air. He roared proudly. The credits began to roll.

Ben felt Rey’s weight slump against him but he didn’t stiffen at the contact. Instead, he just turned down the volume until the TV when silent and studied her sleeping face. She was so tiny curled up against him, all wrapped in her blankets. Not that he, himself, was a very big kid, but still. He felt strangely at peace with his new little companion. The world seemed less harsh that it had that morning. 

Over the course of the two weeks Ben and his family visited, Rey followed him everywhere. He came to feel protective of her, always afraid she’d fall and her herself when she climbed a tree with abandon or swung from the jungle gym at the park. She’d nearly given him a heart attack when she flung herself into the pool confidently despite not being a very strong swimmer.

He gave her swimming lessons after that. She showed him the finer points of sidewalk chalk art. He pushed her on the tire swing and obligingly used his feet to swing back and forth gently when she’d insisted it was his turn and that she would push. He introduced her to grunge music and showed her how to play his Game Boy, which she picked up ridiculously fast. 

He was struck by how empathetic and caring she was for such a young kids. Once, he watched her move a bumble bee out of the birdbath where it’d gotten stuck. She was warmth and sunlight and smiles and he melted in the brilliance of her. Luke was astonished at how attached she grew to him, to say nothing of his own parent’s bemusement.

They spent long days by the lake and in the pool and laying on blankets in the grass quietly. When it rained, they holed up in his room and he let her watch him draw. He normally didn’t like to show anyone his art but he figured it was okay if it was Rey. They would go on walks and he’d point out certain trees or birds to her and she listened with rapt attention. 

The creaky old cabin with its dusty porch and crumbling rocking chairs became home to him. He slept easier in that bunk bed. Outside, crickets and cicadas would sing him to sleep and the light of the moon kept his room bright and peaceful. His parents fought less while they were there and he didn’t mind spending time with them as much as he normally did. But most days, he found himself looking forward to spending time with Rey in the sun dappled wilds of his uncle’s yard and the woods by the lake.

On one such sunny day, they were spread out on beach towels under a tree. In the distance, they could see and hear other children swinging into the lake’s cool water from the trees, shouting at one another. Dragonflies buzzed by lazily in the sun. He told her how to tell apart a dragonfly from a damselfly and she told him he was really smart, which made him laugh a little. He couldn’t remember when he’d ever laughed or smiled so much.

“Ben?” she asked tentatively, taking a fruit roll up out of the bag of snacks and sun block Luke packed for her.

“Yeah?” he replied. His eyes were closed and his chest was rising and falling slowly.

“I heard,” she struggled to put her thoughts into words, “I heard your mom say that- that you don’t have friends.”

Ben’s heart skipped a beat and he sat up, feeling sick. She’d said it with that childlike bluntness that wasn’t intended to hurt but did all the same. He felt panic rise in his throat like bile. How was he supposed to respond to that?

“I don’t have any friend…any friends either,” she told him, stumbling over the sentiment she was trying to express, brushing her hair away from her face. Luke had given up the hairstyling attempts and her hair was left wild most of the time. At her heartfelt confession, Ben turned to look at her. Concern and care were etched on his still baby-round face. 

“I- I don’t get people,” he admitted at last. “I mean…I have one friend, kind of. But I never know how to talk to people or what they want me to say.” His eyes studied her reaction carefully, hoping she could understand what he was saying. She nodded solemnly, eyes full of wisdom beyond her years.

“When my mommy and daddy left,” she paused to think before continuing, “I was confused, too.” His eyebrows pinched together and he felt his stomach do backflips. The idea of anyone abandoning Rey…it made him so angry, he didn’t know what to do. But then her small hand was patting his clenched fist.

“It’ll be alright,” she told him in her squeaky, small tone. Her concern was so adult, he couldn’t help the puff of laughter than escaped his lips. She offered him some of her fruit roll up and he took it with a small smile.

In just two short weeks, Ben Solo’s life had undergone an unexpected transformation. The night before they left, there were fireworks over the lake. It was Rey’s first time seeing them and she’d never been so excited before. She shouted and laughed and ran around on stubby legs as colors lit up the sky. Han and Leia sat side by side on the blanket with beers in their hands, laughing at the little girl’s antics. Ben’s eyes were full of affection for his tiny friend. He jumped a little when Luke clapped a hand on his back.

“You’ve really gotten Rey to open up,” he told him, nodding with a proud, fatherly look. Ben just shrugged shyly, ears staining red again.

The day they left was hard on Rey, even though she knew it was coming. Luke reminded her often that the Solos were only here for a few weeks’ vacation. While Han loaded up the car, she clung to Ben’s legs like a vice. He assured her she could call him anytime and that seemed to comfort her. When it was time to go, though, his heart broke a little at her sad, wide eyes, wet with unshed tears. He bent down to hug her tightly but it couldn’t last nearly as long as he wanted. 

“Come back soon,” she whispered to him.

Luke scooped her up in his arms and encouraged her to wave goodbye as Ben and his parents got into the car. Ben watched from his window as they grew smaller and smaller until he couldn’t see them anymore.

His path had converged with hers and things would never be the same for either of them.


	2. Boys Go to Jupiter

Rey called Ben for the rest of the summer. 

She would tell him about weird bugs she’d found and how things were with Luke and he’d tell her about life in Sacramento. She was riveted to hear about how he’d started taking martial arts classes again. He had taken karate when he was a kid but stopped when those preteen mood swings hit him hard and alienated him from the other students. 

Han had wanted to teach him boxing. Unfortunately, five minutes in, Ben accidentally bopped him a hard one square in the face right as Leia came into the room. The sight of her husband holding a broken, bloodied nose did not inspire confidence in his teaching skills. So, under Luke’s advisement, he got enrolled in a Hapkido school one town over. Ben liked that because none of the kids he went to school with were there. He still didn’t really make any close friends but it was a chance to practice socializing without any long term repercussions if things went awry.

Rey was nervous about starting Kindergarten in the fall but Ben would always comfort her. It wasn’t easy to stay in touch. The long distance calls were expensive and Leia or Han would always need the phone for work. When Rey was especially upset or sad about something, Ben would send her a drawing in the mail. He had started mowing lawns and doing odd jobs for extra allowance so he could get a phone in his room and pay the phone bills. Between that and Hapkido classes, he’d never felt so busy in his short life.

It was an exceptionally hot summer day when he was struggling to push his dad’s old, beat up lawnmower- _still gets the job done just fine_ , he'd told him- across the yard of an elderly woman who lived down the street from him. His hair was stuck to his forehead with sweat and his white tank top had damp patches at the neck and under his arms. He heard his name from behind him and turned to see Poe Dameron pulling up on the ten-speed he’d gotten for Christmas that year; his pride and joy. Ben cut the power to the mower and wiped his face on his arm, certain that he must look like a tomato, face red and shoulders a little sunburned despite having applied several layers of sun block at his mother’s behest.

“Hey, dude, what’s up? Why’re you mowing Ms. Goldstein’s lawn?” Poe asked, clearly trying not to laugh at the other boys’ ruddy face.

“I’m trying to get a phone,” he grumbled, pressing his lips together in embarrassment.

“What do you need a phone for?” Poe laughed. “You got a girlfriend?” he teased, turning the handles of his bike. Ben rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“No, just…a friend,” he faltered, kicking himself mentally for even saying anything.

“Wait, really? Who?” Poe asked incredulously. The last he checked, school weirdo Ben Solo did not have friends.

“My little cousin in Oregon,” Ben admitted hesitantly, “She’s adopted and like…I dunno, she looks up to me, I guess.” He kept his eyes firmly fixed on the dry grass of the lawn that he’d been shearing too short.

“So that’s why you’re never around anymore?” Poe scoffed in unbelieving amusement. Ben didn’t meet his gaze. He just shrugged. Hearing it out loud, he felt embarrassed. It wasn't like he and Poe were even that close...but the pull to seem socially acceptable was strong.

“Dude, that sounds kind of, like, weird," he snorted. He rushed to add "No offense," but the damage was done and Ben felt about six inches tall. 

“Hey, you’ve got a Playstation, right?” Poe asked, quickly changing the subject. Ben finally looked up at him, surprised by the sudden question.

“Uh, yeah,” he mumbled in reply.

“One of the guys from my baseball team says his older brother got Resident Evil but he’s not allowed to play it at their house ‘cause of, like, the rating or whatever,” he said with a roll of his eyes, heaving a sigh. Poe didn’t ask but the question still hung in the air between them.

“Do you want to come over?” Ben coughed, shuffling his feet in the grass. Poe beamed at him with a bright white smile, his black gelled curls gleaming in the hot July sun.

“Hell yeah! Tomorrow?”

Ben shrugged and nodded, pushing the sweat-wet hair out of his eyes.

“Sweet! Peace out!” the other boy shouted, taking off down the street again. Ben looked at the lawnmower, thinking about what his friend had said. Was it weird to be going to all this trouble? He pulled the cord several times, struggling to coax the machine to roar back to life. His thoughts turned to the hang-out he’d just agreed to. He didn’t get many chances to seem cool to other boys his age. Letting them come over and play a gory video game seemed like as good an opportunity as he’d ever get. He could ask his mom to order them pizza. He finished mowing the lawn and collected the five dollars from the elderly woman.

\---

The following day, Poe showed up at his door with two boys in tow. Leia ordered them pizza, happy that Ben had not just one but _three_ friends over. Boys his own age, no less. They played Resident Evil and Ben quirked his lips hesitantly when one of them made a joke, all the while hoping he was coming across as normal. The hours passed and even though he didn’t always get the other boy’s humor, uneasy smiles turned to genuine laughter as he allowed himself to get comfortable.

Rey called that evening and was disappointed when her aunt told her Ben was busy and couldn’t come to the phone. He called her back the next day but he’d already made plans to see Poe again and didn’t stay on very long.

School started and as the weeks passed, he felt less ill at ease. He was basically best friends with the most popular 8th grader, after all, and it was doing wonders for his social status. It didn’t hurt that he had all the latest game systems, a house with a pool, and parents who were too busy to notice what kind of movies they watched. Ben Solo had everything a 13 year old boy could want. He was discovering this made him worth knowing.

His calls with Rey grew shorter and shorter. 

But Rey had her own life and very little time to reflect on why that might be. She started kindergarten and immediately shone among the other students academically. She was growing closer to Luke with every passing day and becoming more confident and outspoken. And she was now learning to navigate the complex social minefield most of her peers had already been through for a year during pre-K.

A year passed. Their phone calls went from once every couple of days to once every couple of months. 

And then somewhere along the way, calling Rey was no longer something Ben looked forward to. Instead, it became to something he had to be told to do; another chore, another expectation.

“Ben,” his mother would whisper harshly from the kitchen with one hand covering the phone receiver, “Get off the couch and come say hello to Uncle Luke and Rey.” 

He would laugh and talk with her for a few minutes but by the time he’d turned 15, their conversations were nothing more than off handed greetings. He was in high school and worrying about acne and starting to notice girls. Those weeks spent in flowering fields in Oregon grew fuzzy in his mind and Rey became a just blip on his radar, a vague, hazy notion of someone he knew as a kid. 

So, when his mother brought up his uncle and cousin at dinner one night, it was something of a surprise.

“I was thinking it might be nice to invite Luke and Rey over for Thanksgiving this year,” she told his father, which really meant that she had already invited them.

“Sure, yeah,” Han said, shoveling pot roast into his mouth, only stopping to crack open a can of Budweiser. “Love to see ‘em.”

“That’ll be fun, right, Ben?” she asked, looking at her son with expectant eyes. He looked up from where he was hunched over his reheated meatloaf in confusion.

“What?” he murmured, having been halfway off in a world of his own. “Uh, yeah. I guess.”

“You _guess_?” his dad asked with a scoff, folding his hands over his plate and giving his son a stern look.

“I dunno,” Ben shrugged noncommittally. Everything with Ben these days was “I guess” and “I dunno” and for some reason, that got under Han’s skin pretty quick.

“I thought you’d be more excited,” Leia chirped as she dabbed at her lips with her napkin before picking up her glass of wine. “Aren’t you and Rey best buddies?” 

Ben made a disgusted face and pushed his mashed potatoes across his plate. 

“Uh, no. She’s like in kindergarten, mom. I’m fifteen, that’s... _weird_ ,” he grumbled, chest going tight as a now vague recollection of sun dappled days spent by a lake tugged at the corners of his mind.

“Well, the boy’s got you there, Leia,” Han chuckled, taking a swig of his beer. Ben’s brows lifted in surprise at having his father agree with him.

“I could have sworn you two were really close,” she hummed, giving a light shrug of her shoulders. _That_ didn’t surprise Ben one bit. His mother had no idea who he was or what he liked. She'd bought him an etch-a-sketch for Hanukah last year. She also got him a computer but still, what 14 year old wants an etch-a-sketch?

“She’s _not_ in kindergarten, you know,” Leia added, “She’s in the first grade. Luke has her enrolled in a wonderful Montossori school.”

His mother’s voice turned into a droning noise as he drifted out of the conversation, his mind returning to the lake and the tire swing, to dragon flies and lying in the grass with his sole companion, bright hazel eyes holding him captive in their wide gaze.

___

Rey could hardly keep still on the way to the airport. The quiet, nervous girl she’d once been was gone and in her place was a six year old with boundless energy. She’d never been on a plane before and everything about their trip excited her. She asked Luke a million questions about everything they saw and did and to her delight, the airport even had a play area inside for children, which gave Luke a much needed break from the tiny ball of dynamite. 

But more than the plane or the airport or anything else about the trip, Rey was brimming with anticipation for one reason. Her cousin Ben. She didn’t know how to tell Luke, but she was nervous at the prospect of seeing him again. Truthfully, her clearest memories of when she first came to live with Luke were really of a dark haired boy with kind eyes who’d helped her feel at home for the first time in her life. Ben, with his shy smile and quiet disposition. Ben, who had taught her the names of every flower she pointed out to him. Ben, who had told her secrets and let her ride on his shoulders.

_Ben, Ben, Ben._

She quieted down once they boarded and listened intently to the flight attendant's instructions in the case of an emergency. Luke had let her have the window seat and her heart thrummed in her chest as the engines roared and the plane sped down the runway. Her father was worried she might be scared but as they lifted into the air, he watched her press her face to the window and knew his fears were for nothing. Rey _loved_ flying.

The flight to Sacramento was a short one, to Rey’s disappointment. Leia greeted them at the luggage claim with open arms and Luke hugged her tightly. She was alone. Rey wanted to ask where Ben was but was embarrassed at seeming over eager. She still wondered how to best act around adults sometimes, worried that she might displease them. Luke collected their bags and Leia led them to her car.

Sacramento was fascinating to Rey. She couldn’t believe how warm it was, even though it was November. Leia laughed at that, thinking that the 60 degree weather was actually rather cold, having grown accustomed to the California sun. The city seemed _huge_. Rey wasn’t even sure where to look, her eyes darting from building to building as they passed through downtown on the way to the suburb where her aunt and uncle lived.

Nothing could have prepared her for the Solo’s house. It was easily the largest home she’d ever seen. In fact, every house they passed on the street looked like an absolute mansion to her, or palaces, even. The Solo's home was two stories tall and red brick, partly covered in well manicured vines. The lawn was immaculate and sprawling. An American flag hung by the front door. It was like something from TV. She shifted her backpack on her shoulders nervously.

Leia opened the door for them, leading them into the foyer. The walls were cream colored and the floors were rich hardwood. She peeked around the corner to what looked like the living room. Everything seemed bright and decked out in pastels, a perfectly put together modern home. Luke’s home seemed messy now, in contrast, an eclectic arrangement of things he’d collected over the years in his travels. 

“Ben!” Leia called out, pushing her sunglasses into her hair and looking around for her son. Rey tensed, turning to look about her as well, excitement thrumming in her veins.

“Han!" she called again, "Luke and Rey are here!” 

There was no answer. 

“Well!” the tiny woman huffed, placing her hands on her hips. “They’re probably out back. Let me show you to your rooms,” she smiled brightly. She guided them up the staircase to the second story. Rey absorbed every little detail, from the family photos lining the wall to the intricate pattern on the carpets. They stopped at a small bedroom, decorated in greens and floral prints. 

“This will be your room, Rey,” she said, placing a gentle hand on the little girl’s shoulder. Rey looked up at Luke, who shrugged and smiled, encouraging her to go inside. She walked in slowly, laying her suitcase and backpack down beside the bed.

“Ben’s room is right across the hall here,” Leia chimed, pointing to a door with a bright yellow sign that with the words “KEEP OUT” printed on it. 

“He’s going through a phase,” she half-whispered to her brother wryly, suddenly looking very tired. Luke chuckled good-naturedly as if he got the joke. They continued down the hallway so she could show him to the guest room where he’d be staying. Rey wondered just how many bedrooms there were and what they needed them all for. She lingered in front of the solid oak door with the warning sign, sounding out the words in her mind. Her aunt and father didn’t seem to notice as they rounded a corner, leaving her behind. Their voices grew small. Then footsteps thundered on the stairs, startling her.

“Mom! Mom, where-” Ben lumbered up the final step, his words dying on his tongue as he spotted her. Their eyes met. Time seemed to slow down.

“Hi,” she murmured, her voice coming out soft and raspy.

“Hi,” he replied awkwardly, shuffling in place. He was so much bigger than she remembered. She seemed just as small.

“There you are!” 

The strange sense of déjà vu dissipated at the sound of Leia’s voice and they turned their attention to their parents as they rounded the corner to join them. Luke greeted him warmly, gathering him in his arms in a tight hug which Ben just barely returned.

“Where’ve you been?” Leia asked, sounding exasperated. Rey watched as he pushed back the thick dark hair that hung in his eyes.

“I, uh, I was gonna go hang out with Poe,” he said with a shrug, shoving his hands into the pocket of his jeans. It’s not that he’d forgotten Rey and Luke were coming today. But Poe had asked him to come _chill_. They were going to the mall or the movies or something. He was bringing _girls_.

Leia cocked her hands on her hips and he knew what was coming. His defenses went up. _Divert all power to shields._

“Oh, really?” his mother asked. What she meant was _like hell you are_. He felt anger bubble up in his chest and clenched his jaw.

“God, mom,” he hissed, tossing his head back. It wasn’t a convincing argument.

“Not tonight, Ben. You’re having dinner here,” she informed the sulking teen with an air of finality. His face went red and he hunched his shoulders, all hormones and pent up resentment encased in too-sharp angles.

“Fine! Whatever,” he spat, heading back downstairs. Leia took a deep breath before resolving to let it go.

“And he’s off to the pool house,” she sighed, feeling every bit of her age. Han appeared on the stairs, an oil stained rag in his hands and a smudge of grease across his forehead. He whistled as Ben stormed past him.

“What was that about?” he asked, grumbling, very much befuddled by his son’s tantrums and mood swings. _He_ was never like that when he was his age.

“What is it ever about?” Leia retorted with a roll of her eyes. It came off as a shared moment of mild annoyance- _kids, am I right_? It was an easy way to mask the fact that neither of them really knew what their son was going through or how to help him with his anger. Luke nodded sagely, as though he was already privy to the trials of parenthood, despite only having been in the game the past two years.

Rey didn’t know what to make of any of it.

___

She had no idea meals could be so uncomfortable before that night. Ben was practically fuming, leaning on the table with a sour expression as he dug his fork into the lasagna that had been delivered to the door instead of made in their kitchen. Occasionally, his eyes would meet the wide ones watching him quietly and he would flush and suddenly become more interested in his food. Their parents laughed and conversed happily, unaware of the tension brewing between their children.

Rey ate her food quietly, unsure of what to say. The way she remembered it, Ben had been her best friend in the world and now he was this…grumpy giant. And she didn’t know how to make things better. She wracked her brain for anything to say to him but came up empty handed every time. 

“So, Ben, you’re a sophomore?” Luke asked, folding his hands over the table. Curious hazel eyes darted between the man beside her and the brooding boy currently picking at the mess of sauce and cheese on his plate. He seemed just as surprised as she was by her father’s question, looking up as if to confirm he was being spoken to.

“Freshman,” he grunted softly, ears tinged pink.

“Ah. How’s Hapkido going?”

“ _Fine_.”

Well, then.

Luke cleared his throat. Knives and forks clinked against plates, too loud in the quite. It didn't last long as Leia launched into a passionate discussion about the preservation of rain forests, which, thankfully, didn’t seem to require participation from anyone else.

After dinner, Rey got ready for bed, feeling strange and exhausted. She heard muffled, angry music coming from Ben’s room as she crept down the hall to the bathroom where she brushed her teeth. After her dad came to say good night, she lay in bed a long time, listening to the sound of TV commercials and music as she thought about Ben and how different he seemed. She thought about the stack of letters from him she kept under her bed back home and how it’d been a very, very long time since he’d sent one. 

Ben didn’t like her anymore and she didn’t know why or how to change that.


	3. Thank You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On this family holiday, I'd like to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to my daddy who, sadly, will not be joining me. Drink some Johnny Walker for me, Adam Driver.

The next morning, Rey sat at the kitchen table with a bowl of Froot Loops. Leia had gone grocery shopping with her dad early and she decided not to go, preferring to stay and sleep in. A loud thump made her look up from her bowl.

Ben bust through the kitchen door, stopping in his tracks when their eyes met as though he’d forgotten she was even there. He was wearing his pajamas still, a shirt with holes in it that looked like it was probably black at one point and plaid pants. She watched as he plucked the box of colorful cereal from the table, staring at her uncertainly before fixing himself a bowl. 

She thought he was going to leave once he’d set the milk back in the fridge but instead, he leaned against the counter as he ate. The noise of fruity flavored multigrain cereal crunching was thunderous to her ears in the otherwise quiet kitchen. 

He finished quickly, setting his bowl in the sink before reaching into the pantry and pulling out a package of Wildberry pop tarts. Apparently, he wasn’t done eating. Instead of leaning against the counter again, however, he slid into the bench on the opposite side of the kitchen table.

She watched him tear into the pop tarts as she stirred the rainbow colored rings in her bowl. He seemed to regard her just as closely.

“How come you’re alone here?”

She stilled and then raised her shoulders up to her ears.

“Aunt Leia and dad are at the store.”

“Yeah…but they left you alone?”

She pushed a spoon full of cereal into her mouth, her table manners not quite so refined that she wouldn’t talk with her mouth full.

“I’m not a baby,” she grumbled, eating her breakfast petulantly. He snorted. 

“I bet you still watch Barney,” he quipped, a low blow.

“Do not,” she scoffed, disgust twisting her features. She was _six_. He gulped down the last piece of pop tart and then rose, walking back to fridge and pulling out the milk again. He twisted off the top and raised it to his mouth, finishing off what was left and then setting the empty jug down on the counter before skulking out of the kitchen again. Rey fumed.

 _Boys_ , she thought as she listened to his heavy footsteps on the stairs. She hopped off her chair and cleaned up after herself before wandering out of the kitchen. The house was quiet. Strolling through the living room, she took in the massive TV and electric fireplace. She wondered if it even got cold enough here to warrant having a fireplace. 

Music drifted into the room, muffled and soft and she followed the sound through white French doors to the backyard. Rounding the corner of the house, she arrived at the garage where her Uncle Han had a stereo sitting on a work bench, flanked by several open beer cans. 

He had on a trucker hat and dirty clothes and was working under the hood of a large silvery grey van. She noticed, enchanted, that it had an array of stars and galaxies painted on the side. Gold dice dangled from the rear view mirror.

“Heya, kiddo,” he called upon seeing her enter the garage. His face and hand were smudged with grease, which he tried and failed to wipe away with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Hi, Uncle Han,” she replied, her small hand gliding along the side of the van, face full of wonder. A lop-sided smile quirked over his face as he watched her.

“Say,” he chuckled, leaning down with his hands on his knees to bring himself closer to her height, “You want to help old Uncle Han with the Falcon?”

“The Falcon?” she echoed curiously.

“The Millennium Falcon!” he laughed. He placed his hands on his hips proudly, eyes crinkling with nostalgia as he gave the side of the outdated vehicle a pat. “That’s what I call her.”

Rey scrunched her nose, looking uncertainly at the old van.

“Well, I thought it was cool,” her uncle grumbled in response. 

“’Course, that was the 70’s and I wasn’t exactly sober at the time…,” he trailed off when he saw her face crumple in confusion.

“Anyway,” he cleared his throat loudly before bending down to her level, “whadaya say?”

“Okay,” she chirped, grinning. Rey liked to help.

“Well, alright!” he exclaimed, picking her up by the waist, which ushered forth a litany of giggles and squeals. He plopped her down on a high work table, her legs swinging back and forth over the side. 

“Let’s see,” he drawled, rubbing at his chin and smiling to himself, “Hand me a 5/8ths wrench.”

She dug around the tool kit perched beside her on the table until she pulled out the wrench with a 5 and an 8 marked along the length and turned it over to him. 

He looked from her to the wrench and back to her before tipping back his hat, muttering. 

“Smart kid…”

___

Ben opened the front door cautiously, peeking inside. It was early in the afternoon now, the latest he thought he could come back and still get away with running off down the street to toss a football with Poe and the guys. 

He didn’t really care much for football, but at least he got to hit something- that is, someone. Poe would probably still be complaining about how hard he’d tackled him when they went back to school come Monday.

When he saw no one was around, he kicked off his shoes and crept to the stairs, stepping over the one that creaked. He reached the top of the staircase only to stop dead in his tracks, his gut clenching in horror as he took in the sight of his bedroom door wide open- a teenage Defcon 5 situation. He cursed under his breath and dashed to it.

The relief he felt at his mother being nowhere in the vicinity lasted only a split second as he spotted Rey sitting in his bean bag chair with his Nintendo 64 controller in her hands. 

“Hey!” he squawked, his grass stained hands curling into fists. She glanced at him from her periphery, tiny thumbs flying over the buttons. 

“Aunt Leia said I could play,” she said, correctly guessing his grievance before he had a chance to lay into her for the perceived invasion.

“Well, this isn’t _Aunt Leia’s_ ,” he fumed, grabbing at the controller, “It belongs to me!”

Rey let out an indignant squeal, tightening her grip on the toy. She was suddenly lifted to her feet with the effort of holding onto it. With one large hand, Ben shoved against her shoulder harder than he intended and just like that, she went down to the floor, tugging the controller as she went and bringing Ben down along with her as he struggled to stay balanced. 

He nearly fell right on top of her, only just managing not to crush her by turning his body out of the way in time. His arm fell across her face and in that furious, snarling way that only pugnacious 6 years olds seem to be able to muster when they’re truly aggrieved… 

Rey bit Ben.

He howled as she sank her teeth into his arm, wrenching it back from her and gripping the place that was sure to bruise in the shape of tiny teeth marks. She clambered to her feet, kicking the controller away.

“You’re a monster!” she shrieked from his doorway before running off down the hall to her own room.

“Yes, I am!” he screamed back, red-faced as he rose to his feet once more and slammed the door shut.

The house echoed with the violent sound and he cringed, regret slamming into him just as hard.

\---

It was nearly dark by the time Ben crept out of his room again, still sulking. He would have preferred staying there for the rest of the night- for the rest of this stupid family get together- but he was fifteen and had just hit a growth spurt and he was _starving_.

He made his way down the stairs silently. His plan was to sneak to the kitchen, grab a plate, and go back to his room without ever being seen. Rey had probably tattled to Leia by now and he wasn’t looking to get an earful.

“ _Be nice to your baby cousin_ ,” he could imagine her saying, her voice in his head a high pitched whine; a cartoonish imitation that he conjured with a sneer.

As he descended the stairs, a buttery, tantalizing scent hit his nose and he had to stop himself from groaning- whatever they were having smelled _amazing_. It certainly wasn’t one of Leia’s lasagnas she’d order and then plate as if she’d spent all day slaving in the kitchen, that was for sure.

Just as his socked foot hit the final step, he heard Han’s booming voice coming from the dining room and he cursed under his breath. He gauged the distance past the dining room door. If he could pass by undetected, he could go the long way around to the kitchen, grab a plate of whatever smelled so damn good, and be back in his room before anyone saw him.

“I’m telling you, the kid is a freaking genius!” his father hollered jovially, making him pause just outside the dining room door.

“You should have seen her working on the Falcon with me earlier!” he laughed, “She’s her uncle’s little helper, alright!” 

Ben’s face twisted into a grimace. They were talking about Rey. He tip-toed passed the doorway while they were distracted.

He’d thought he’d successfully made it across when he heard his mother call out, “Ben? Could you call Rey in from the backyard? It’s time for dinner. Luke made this incredible chicken!”

Instead of answering, he tried to continue padding towards the kitchen, but it was like Leia had a sixth sense- some mystical force that tuned her in to his BS.

“ _Ben!_ ”

“Damn it,” he muttered.

“ _Language!_ ” was his mom’s reply.

He stalked through the living room to the backyard. At least Leia hadn’t full on lectured him. Maybe Rey hadn’t told on him. Yet, at least. 

When he spotted her, she was sitting on the pavement by the pool with a tub full of chalk. The ground around her was covered in her drawings. He went to call out to her from the doorway before spotting something that made him pause. His feet seemed to move him closer of their own accord until he was close enough to see what she was drawing. 

The pastel colored art surrounding her was surprisingly mature for her age. She seemed to favor people, though there were some drawings of flowers and animals as well. She'd done a rather good portrait of Luke and one of Han and now…now it seemed she was drawing him.

His red chalk face stared back at him, scowling, ears poking out from under his hair, nose prominent. He saw himself the way she saw him, an uncharitable but not inaccurate caricature. Big. Angry. 

He felt a wave of guilt roll through him and chewed at his cheek a moment before her small voice broke him from his thoughts.

“What do you want?” she asked, eyes glued on her work. He hadn’t even realized she’d heard him walking towards her. Her cold tone made his heart clench unexpectedly.

“Mom said dinner’s ready,” he mumbled back unsteadily. She sat up and slapped her hands together, ridding them of multicolored chalk dust before collecting her pail full of chubby pastel sticks. Standing, she walked around him towards the house and he watched her tiny figure, all business, striding up the deck to the living room before his feet allowed him to follow her. 

Somehow, despite his plans to lurk back to his hideaway, he found himself sitting at the dining room table.

“Well, hot damn, Luke's a regular Martha Stewart now, huh?” Han laughed as he piled his plate high with roasted potatoes. Leia shot him a look that went unheeded. 

“Actually, she’s the one who taught me- Oprah introduced us when I was working on my latest book,” Luke chuckled. Ben held in a scoff at the casual name dropping- par for the course with his family.

Luke helped Rey with her plate, although she insisted on cutting her chicken herself, her little hands grasping her knife and fork carefully. “I just figured, being a dad, I’d better learn how to make something other than grilled cheese,” he continued.

“I like grilled cheese,” Rey pointed out, making her aunt laugh. Across the table, Ben rolled his eyes- imagine that, people actually cooking for their family. Leia began asking Luke all about Martha Stewart and soon, he’d checked out, choosing to focus on his meal. 

Between bites, he’d occasionally sneak glances at Rey, who despite sitting right across from him, never looked his way once. It really shouldn’t hurt to have a six year old ignoring you, and yet, watching her smile and talk animatedly with his parents made his shoulders slump.

Luke began telling some story about how Rey’d caught a big fish at the lake near their house and Ben’s mind wandered to the summer when they’d first met and how enraptured he’d been with her. The way she’d smile at him like he was good and whole and someone worthy of being loved. Then he remembered what she’d called him that afternoon.

Now he truly did feel like a monster, sitting at the table while his family chatted and ate happily. He felt like he was taking up too much space, something unwanted, an intruder. He hunched his shoulders more but it didn’t help. His shoes felt too small. His skin itched. 

Rey laughed at something his dad said and he wondered how it was that she fit in so well with his family while he felt like he didn’t belong. It was his house, wasn’t it? His parents. But he felt like a stranger there.

After dinner, he watched her hug her dad and both his parents goodnight before heading upstairs. He hesitated before following her, offering to help with the dishes, even, which earned him some odd looks from Han and Leia. His mom waved him away with a peck on the cheek, though, and so, he followed Rey up to bed.

For once, he climbed the stairs quietly, trailing slowly behind her. She reached her room just as he came to the landing, and right as she was about to close her door, he was suddenly overcome with the need to say _something_.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, heat rising in his cheeks as she turned to look back at him.

“For earlier,” he quickly clarified- not that he needed to. He shifted from one foot to the other, not knowing what to say next. She seemed to regard him for a moment, a little nervous and embarrased as she gripped the doorknob.

“Me too,” she replied after some thought, giving him a satisfied nod. He waited for her to say something else but she simply shut her door behind her, leaving him in the hallway. 

Sighing, he entered his own bedroom and flopped onto his bed. A small white window that read AIM stared back at him from the computer on his desk. He could see he had new messages from his friends but strangely, he didn’t feel like checking them. He was too preoccupied thinking about the little girl down the hall and summers by a lake. 

He fell asleep, face down on his bed, still in his clothes, finally feeling a small sense of relief.

\---

Sunny morning light seeped in lazily through the window, enveloping the floral printed bedroom. Rey fussed with the dress Luke had bought her, grimacing at her reflection in the mirror that hung on the back of the closet door. 

Remembering her cousin’s teasing from yesterday morning, she felt like a dork. It’s not that she didn’t like the dress. She just worried she didn’t look _cool_. He’d apologized to her, of course, but even that had the unintended effect of making her feel silly. After all, she _bit_ him. In retrospect, it was mortifying.

She headed downstairs with a sigh. At least her dad hadn’t bought the dumb frilly socks the lady at the store said would look _cute_.

\---

“Ben!”

In his sleep-foggy mind, his mother stood with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot impatiently at him. She had an alarm clock for a head. And she was eight feet tall. 

There was a rapid knocking. His eyebrows pinched together as he tossed in his messy bed, pulling his pillow around his ears. The knocking persisted. 

He blinked his eyes open slowly, his consciousness stumbling back into the waking world.

“Ben! Come out here and spend time with your family.”

“Alright…alright, already,” he groaned, voice gravely from disuse. He rubbed his hands over his face and pulled himself out of bed, narrowly avoiding tripping over his own comforter. He rummaged through his closet until he found a clean shirt and pulled it over his wild head of hair. After dressing at least somewhat appropriately, he plodded down the stairs.

For as much as his mother harped him about coming downstairs to participate in the Thanksgiving festivities, though, it wasn’t exactly like everyone was sitting around basking in the holiday glow. 

He peeked into the kitchen and saw Luke fussing over an enormous turkey while his mom stood at the counter with a glass of wine in her hand. Absolutely nope-ing out of that, he headed for the living room where he saw his dad and his Uncle Chewie on the couch, staring at the TV with rapt attention.

He couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face. His family drove him nuts but he could never resent the presence of the hulking man whose long beard and hair made him look like Sasquatch’s cousin.

“Benito! Que pasa, mijo?” the hairy giant rumbled, standing and folding Ben into a tight bear hug.

“Not much,” he coughed in response as the air was squished from his chest.

“Catch,” Han said, tossing him a can of Coke. He caught the cold can, looking down at the Styrofoam cooler filled with beer and sodas that sat on the floor by his dad’s feet, ice water leaking out onto the plush cream colored carpeting. He imagined his mom would have a few things to say about that later.

He sat on the couch, grunting in thanks as his dad cracked open another foaming Budweiser. Chewie settled back into his place between them, his great weight crashing into the delicate piece of furniture and sending both of them bobbing a little on their own cushions.

“Se esta poniendo grande, no?” he barked with laughter, elbowing Han. Ben’s ears went red.

“Yeah,” Han huffed with a grin, “Regular beanpole.” 

Ben glowered at his father but was paid no mind. It was Thanksgiving and Han was but a moth, drawn to the hypnotic neon glow of _the game_. As the bilingual conversation shifted to the all important sport at hand, he glanced around and noticed, not in the least bit idly, that he hadn’t seen Rey.

Time oozed by slowly as they sat basked in the sacred light of the revered Thanksgiving pastime. Ben’s mind wandered as he nursed his Coke, not really paying attention. He wished he had a book to read. Or his sketch pad. But there was no way he was going to “doodle” in front of his dad. Not anymore. 

He stared at the TV with a blank expression, only glancing occasionally at the score or noting when he father cursed or cheered in case he was asked about it later. He soon found, though, that his thoughts kept sliding back to the peculiar absence of his little cousin. 

Eventually, a commercial seemed to break the TV’s hold on Han and he regained his senses long enough to see his son looking bored out of his mind.

“You look like you're dying, kid. I think Rey’s playing out back,” he grunted, slamming his beer can flat on his knee, “Why don’t you go play with her?”

Ben started a little at the suggestion, opening his mouth to retort with some moody quip- a pre-programmed response. But then he paused. Whether it was from the surprise of his dad seeming to notice his boredom or the fact he really _was_ curious about what Rey was doing, he wasn’t sure.

He closed his mouth and shrugged his shoulders before taking his father’s advice, rising from the couch to head outside. It was sunny but still a little cold and he found himself wishing he’d put on a thicker shirt. The afternoon light appeared almost golden through the orange and yellow leaves of the old oak trees in their yard.

He spotted her right away. She had a hopscotch board drawn on the pavement and was leaping from step to step, her light brown hair floating around her head with every jump and skip. She didn’t seem to notice him at first and he felt compelled to stay and watch, not wanting to disturb the scene.

He sat down on the deck’s stairs silently. His chest felt tight and he didn't know why. She apparently didn’t feel the chill in the air at all, not bothering with any kind of sweater. As though she radiated her own warmth. Her own brightness. Each jump from one place to the next was slowed down in his mind.

A strange feeling welled up behind his ribcage. Protectiveness? A voice in the back of his mind supplied another answer but he shook his head at the absurdity of it.

And then, she spotted him and he was pinned down by a pair of hazel eyes.

“What’re you smiling about?” she asked bluntly, freckled nose wrinkling. He blinked. He hadn’t even realized he was smiling.

“Nothing,” he mumbled back, rising to his feet to meander over to her.

“Do you want to play?” she tilted her head at him, squinting when the sun got her eyes. He quirked an eyebrow at the numbers and boxes etched on the cement. 

“Uh…I think I’ve outgrown hopscotch,” he said as politely as he could muster before scratching the back of his neck. “But…you like video games, right?”

Rey’s eyes sparkled. Apparently, he’d won his way back into her good graces.

\---

“I think my controller is broken,” he griped, inspecting it carefully. Her eyes narrowed skeptically but she declined to comment, tongue peeking out past her lips as she successfully brought Princess Peach into 1st place again. To Ben’s frustration, Wario remained neck and neck with her. 

It was the final lap and things were precarious for him. The music increased in tempo, adding to the tension. He sped forward, his hands aggressive with the controller. The finish line was in sight.

She hit him with a turtle shell.

He sagged back against the end of his bed, throwing his hands up in defeat. Rey smiled broadly as they watched the golden cup shower their characters with rainbow colored stars.

“How do you keep beating me?” he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

They were interrupted by the sound of Leia calling them from down the stairs. Ben glanced at the clock on his nightstand. It was barely 4:30 pm. A perfectly normal time for dinner one day out of the year.

Rey raced down the stairs so fast that he felt panic watching her, afraid she’d trip. She was _very_ enthusiastic about Thanksgiving.

When they arrived in the dining room, to say Ben was surprised would be an understatement. His mom was lighting candles as his father helped set the napkins. Han Solo, arranging napkins. It was a weird disconnect from most Thanksgivings he could remember.

He sat down, quiet in his befuddlement, and was oddly pleased when Rey sat down next to him. His uncles began bringing in plates heaped with food and as she squirmed in her seat impatiently, he felt the corners of his lips twitch up.

His dad took the seat at the head of the table, standing in front of the comically huge, steaming turkey. Ben looked around at his family’s smiling faces. It was…bizarrely Rockwellian for the Organa-Solo household.

He spread his napkin over his lap and reached for the green bean casserole before realizing he and Chewie were the only ones who seemed to be ready to dig in. And, well, Rey had somehow already gotten hold of a roll.

“Uh, hold on, kiddos,” Han chuckled, giving them a look that was half grin, half grimace. 

“The princess here wants us to, er, going around and say what we’re thankful for and such,” he said, nodding his head at his wife. Leia barely contained a sigh, raising her eyebrows at her husband patiently.

“So I guess I’m going first, then,” Han huffed. “Anyway, I’m thankful for The Falcon- _Jesus, babe_ ,” he hissed when there was a slight jostling under the table where Leia sat. 

“Alright, I’m thankful for my beautiful partner in life. My rock. Chewie, we-,”

“ _Han_.”

Luke smiled behind his hand as Chewie outright roared with laughter. Rey giggled and even Ben gave a very much over it huff of laughter which was _almost_ a real laugh, so it was a win to Han.

“I’m thankful for my _princess_ ,” Han concluded, giving Leia his signature charming grin- the one she still couldn’t resist. Seemingly placated, Leia continued, stating she was thankful for their home and the meal that Luke cooked for them. Chewie said he was grateful for Han- and then switched it to being grateful for Leia. Luke was thankful for being able to adopt Rey.

“Ben?” Leia asked sweetly, smiling warmly at her son as Han held her hand. Ben looked around the table, not sure how to feel about all this sudden sentimentality. Sharing feelings was not something he'd grown accustomed to in this home. He chewed the inside of his cheek nervously as he tried to think of what he was thankful for.

His searching eyes fell on Rey, who stared up at him expectantly. He licked his lips and cleared his throat.

“Uh, I’m thankful that…we’re together,” he said softly. Rey kept her eyes on him. 

“Me too,” she announced. “That’s what I’m thankful for, too.”

Han and Leia looked at their son, mild shock slowly giving way to happy smiles. Chewie clapped Ben on the back with his huge, burly hand.

“Well-p!,” Han declared loudly, “This bird ain’t gonna carve itself!”

Dinner went without a hitch, to most everyone’s quietly relieved astonishment. The adults laughed as they reminisced about the good old days. Rey tried to keep up with Chewie’s rapid speech, concentrating very hard to understand him through his thick accent. Han gushed about Rey’s aptness in the garage to both Luke and Chewie- “ _The girl’s going to be a mechanic, mark my words._ ”

Everyone piled on seconds and even thirds until Luke brought out three whole pies from the kitchen topped with whipped cream and they all retired to the living room to watch more Football at Han’s insistence. Ben sat with Rey on the floor in front of the TV, their dessert perched in their laps as their family laughed and ate. He glanced around at everyone in a kind of awe.

This…this was good. 

Soon, the soporific effect of too much rich food set in and things quieted down. Rey asked Ben for one more Mario Kart match and he found he couldn’t refuse her. 

“I gotta beat you at least once,” he laughed dryly, “Otherwise I’ll never live it down.”

Upstairs, as he set up the console, he noticed her looking around his room with a little more open curiosity. It made him weirdly anxious and self-conscious. 

“You’re really good at games,” he said, hoping somewhat to distract her. 

“You taught me,” she replied nonchalantly, undeterred in her appraisal of his room, lingering on the guitar propped up by his closet before moving to the bright red painted walls. “Why are there holes in your walls?”

“I taught you?” he asked, not even processing her question. 

“Yeah. Pokemon. So I asked my dad to buy me some games,” she shrugged. Ben peered at her as memories of showing her games on his blue Gameboy color while they lay around inside on a rainy summer day came rushing back.

“I'm really good at it now. My favorite Pokemon’s Sandshrew,” she informed him before adding in a less than casual brag, “I play the card game, too. I beat a _fourth grader_ a couple weeks ago.”

“A fourth grader, huh?” he laughed, shaking his head a little as a grin slowly spread across his face. 

“Mhm,” Rey replied, holding her head up a little higher and hoping she was coming off coolly to her older cousin. Ben just watched her with a thoughtful expression, not nearly paying enough attention as the game started up.

“You and your dad are leaving tomorrow night,” he murmured. Rey thought maybe it was a question but he’d said it like a statement, like he was just talking to himself.

“Yeah,” she answered anyway. As the word left her lips, she realized that it felt sad somehow. But before she could think about it anymore, she was distracted by Ben suddenly rolling onto his knees and rummaging around under his bed.

“Here,” he said, handing her a thick, black binder. She dropped her controller, now as uninterested in the game as he was. She unzipped it and gasped when she saw what was inside. It was a huge Pokemon card collection, well organized by type and strength. 

“I, uh, I don’t really need these anymore. I haven't used them in awhile,” he told her, “You can have them.”

“Really?” she asked, wide eyed as she flipped through the pages.

“They’re yours,” Ben nodded, settling back down beside her. He hesitated a moment before putting his arm around her tiny shoulder. As Rey held the binder tightly and leaned into his warm hug, she said the only thing she could think of.

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you feel lonely this holiday, remember,
> 
>  
> 
> _You're not alone._


End file.
